Bakers Dozen of Anit-Dem/Obama/Liberal Laughs

One:
A man falls off a boat and ends up on an island After a lot of walking he comes across a shop that specializes in brains.

Artists' Brains $9/oz
Philosophers' Brains $12/oz
Scientists' Brains $15/oz
Republican's Brains $19/oz
Democrats' Brains $2,000/oz.

After the man reads the prices, he says, "Wow those democrat brains must be popular." The shop owner says, "Are you kidding me? Do you know how many Democrats you have to kill to get 1 ounce of brains?!?


Two:


Three:
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, ‘Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.’

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, ‘You’re in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.’

She rolled her eyes and said, ‘You must be a Republican.’

‘I am,’ replied the man. ‘How did you know?’

‘Well,’ answered the balloonist, ‘everything you told me is technically correct , but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help to me.’

The man smiled and responded, ‘You must be a Democrat.’

‘I am,’ replied the balloonist. ‘How did you know?’

‘Well,’ said the man, ‘you don’t know where you are or where you are going. You’ve risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it’s my fault.’


Four:
Why should Democrats be buried 100 feet down?
Because deep down they are really good people.

Five:
A woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far to qualified for the job. The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this; "Have you had any acutal experience in picking lemons?" "Well, as a matter of fact, I have!" she replied. "I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Plymouths, and I voted for Obama."

Six:


Seven:
President Obama promised his wife he would take her to a Broadway Show. When they were leaving the theater he turned to Michelle and said, "I've never seen a better show! They said their lines on stage for THREE HOURS and I never even saw their teleprompters."

Eight:
Who was the first liberal Democrat?
Answer -Christopher Columbus. He left not knowing where he was going,got there not knowing where he was,left there not knowing where he’d been and did it all on borrowed money.

Nine:


Ten:
How many liberals does it take to change a light Bulb?
At least ten, as they will need to have a discussion about whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb they still may not change it to keep from alienating those who might use other forms of light.

Eleven:
What happens when you cross a pig with a Democrat?
Nothing, there are some things that a pig just won't do.

Twelve:
When the Obama administration was deciding on what issues to address they hired a company to poll American's about several issues. When the company reported back they found that when asking people who live in Florida whether they thought illegal immigration is a serious problem:

• 29% of respondents answered: “Yes, it is a serious problem.”
• 71% of respondents answered: “No es una problema seriosa.”

Thirteen:
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and into a shop. I was only there for about 5 minutes, and when I came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I said to him, 'Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break'? He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a 'Nazi.' He glared at me and wrote another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a 'doughnut eating Gestapo.' He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he wrote a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus, and the car that he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said, 'Obama in '08 .' I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important to my health.

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You would be suprised how hard it is to find good jokes that are anti-liberal, anti-obama, anti-democrat....but I think I complied some good ones here. And to any anti-obama democrat whose out there reading this, take no offense!