Sunday, August 16, 2009

Chick Chat: Taking Responsibilty

Just a few days ago I went to dinner with one of my cousins who I hadn't spent time with since I was about 10, for the sake of anonymity lets call her J. Not surprisingly, even back when we were little I was never that close to her. A handful of memories combined with the stories I had heard about her was the extent of our interaction. As luck would have it we ran into each other again at a family function about a month ago and I was surprise to find out that we had a lot of similar qualities, likes and dislikes etc.

So finally this past Friday J and I were able to get together for dinner and a chat. Let me give you a little background about her. On paper she is a 28 year old single mother with minimal education and a dead-end part time job who is living with her ailing grandmother. Her background is "alternative" to say the least. She is an extremely talented ballerina, but is unable to get any significant teaching position because of her lack of an educational background.

In person she is a well-spoken insightful woman whose grateful for the good things life has given her, her son and her job. She is passionate about her work and doesn't feel sorry for herself or where she is. Hardworking and caring she tackles her life like its a gift and a lesson.

As we sat there sipping our white wine and munching on pad thai I realized something, she is the kind of person that would benefit from a big socialized government. She could use that extra hand that so many people talk about. But the more I talked to her the more I realized a few other key things.

She doesn't like to rely on others. We talked about her current health care, or lack thereof. She talked about how her son has Medicare but she doesn't. She didn't come right out and say it but I could tell that it bothered her to have to rely on someone/thing, other than herself, to care for her child. She admitted that it was frustrating having to use a program that doesn't work and not being able to be in control. She talked about her hesitance and how complicated it is to get that help.

It was also very clear that she takes responsibility for her life choices. She understands that she is in her situation because of the choices she made. While she believes that she had to go through all the crazy times order to get where she is, she does have regrets. She wishes she would have gone to school. She wishes she wouldn't have gotten the big tattoos that give people a reason to make snap judgments. She wishes the relationship with her babies daddy was working.

She has goal and desires improvements for her life. She is not much different than me. She is living her life according to her own decisions, just like the rest of us.

Now you may be wondering where I am going with this and when I started writing I have to admit I was wondering that same thing. The point I am trying to make is that every American citizen is responsible for their own successes and failures. And we have to realize that the definition of those things depends on the person. We cannot judge other people's lives because we are not responsible for other people lives. Ultimately, we have to live with the decisions that we make and it is not society or the governments job to take control of our lives or our decisions, whether it be because of success or failure.

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